If Dr. Seuss Was A Woman  

I'm glad I'm a woman-Yes I am, yes I am.

I don't live on Budweiser, Beer nuts and Spam.

I don't brag  to my buddies about my erections:

I won't drive to Hell before asking directions.

I act nice at parties; don't act like a clown;

And I know how to put the damn toilet seat down.

I won't grab your boobies; I won't pinch your butt.

My belt is not hidden beneath my beer gut.

I don't go around readjusting  my croutch;

or make sure my headboard bears each hard-earned notch.

I don't belch in public; don't scratch my behind.

and thrilled I'm not covered in shag carpeting.

Hair won't grow from my ears, or cover my back.

And when I bend down You can't see my crack.

I'm a woman, alas-and I'm proud, don't you see?

I'm blessed to have two boobs and squat when I pee.

I don't live for golf, or shoot basketball.

I don't swagger and spit like a neanderthal.

I don't need malebonding; I don't cruise for chicks-

I'll never join the "Hair Club," or think with my dick.

I'm a woman, by chance and thankful I am!

I'm so glad I'm a woman, Not a man, yes I am!

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