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These
Are A Few OF My
Favorite
Things
There
are recent rumors that Julie Andrews did a concert for AARP.
Ms. Andrews sang a favorite from the Sound of Music, Favorite Things.
There were a few changes to the words, to fit in with the AARP theme.
Here are the new words to this tune:
Maalox
and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillacs
and cataracts and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When
the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.
Hot
tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Back
pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinning,
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thining,
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.
When
the joints ache, when the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.
HYPNOTIST
Woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been
having all these years? Well, they're gone."
"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"
His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand
in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache;
I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It worked! The
headaches are all gone."
The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful."
His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in
the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and
see
if he can do anything for that?"
The husband agrees to try it.
Following
his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes,
picks up his wife and carries her into the
bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."
He goes into the bathroom and comes back A few minutes later and jumps
into
bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!"
The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back."
He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better
than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her
husband
again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in
the
bathroom.
This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she
sees
him standing at the mirror and saying,
"She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my
wife!"
His funeral services will be held on Monday
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